"What do I do about my revenge bedtime procrastination?" || Coaching Call with Julie

Listen in on a real coaching call to understand the reasons you're doing this, and the mindset shifts and practical changes you can make to change for the better.

Maybe you haven't heard of "revenge bedtime procrastination" but you've likely felt it. It's that feeling at night when you're so exhausted, but you still find yourself staying up too late mind-numbingly scrolling your phone. In a nutshell, you're experiencing a lack of fulfillment. The good news is that there are several ways to support yourself out of this habit, and into something that feels better.

Julie is a Progressor just like you, who graciously opened up about her nighttime routine struggles that seemed to be fueling this procrastination at night. She shares the values she knows she holds, and I coach her through the ways to achieve new habits that align with how she wants to feel at the end of her day.

Whether or not this is your specific concern, the methods of identifying the emotions you're seeking, then breaking down your routine and attaching some new habits, can work for many self-sabotaging behaviors. Tune in and try out what you learn!

About a few other things...

Reclaim your creative power and rediscover who you actually are! If you’re ready to come back home to yourself, to be able to say that you know who you are and what matters to you, take my foundation course, “Finding Me.” It’s OK that you’ve lost parts of yourself along the way; but as you learn to anchor back into who you are and align your life to what matters to you, you’ll find that you have more strength, more fulfilment, and more creativity to bring to your important roles and responsibilities.

Sign up for the Go Getter Newsletter to get Progress Pointers in your inbox every Tuesday.

SHOW NOTES
My NEW Habit Course
Amber's worksheet, website, Instagram
My Beautycounter must-haves!
Foundational course, “Finding Me.”
Leave a rating and review for the podcast!
Join the Strive Hive, my monthly membership group
Lend your voice and experience + be featured on the show HERE
Join Monica on Facebook and Instagram
Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club

TRANSCRIPT

Monica: Do you engage in revenge bedtime procrastination? Today is designed to help. Welcome to about progress. I'm Monica packer, a regular mom and recovering perfectionist who uncovered the truest model to dramatic, but lasting personal growth it's progress made practical. Join us to leave the extremes behind and instead learn how to do something to grow in ways that stick.

If you like this podcast, then you'll love my new course coming out on May 1st, the sticky habit method. Our presale is going on right now with some extra special bonuses. Sign up before May 1st to get those bonuses at aboutprogress.com/stickyhabitmethod.

Early on in the pandemic one of my strive hive members posted this really cute and funny cartoon, all about something we had in common. And we hated that we had in common and it was called revenge bedtime procrastination. And this is where we have this mix of self-sabotage slash procrastination with the bedtime routine.

When we find ourselves delaying bed for long periods of time because we are so exhausted, it doesn't make sense. And yet we often do this. Of course, there are many and deeper reasons why this is the case and why we do this revenge, bedtime procrastination. My nutshell version of explaining this is just lack of fulfillment, but today I want to spend less time explaining why it's happening and more, what you can begin to do that.

You get to listen in on a coaching call I did with a woman named Julie who is struggling with bedtime and self-sabotage and procrastination. We help her figure out what's going on for her and how she can make just a few mindset shifts and habit shifts to help her learn how to gradually tap down on this nighttime bedtime procrastination, and instead, find more of the calm content, comfortable and connected feelings she's looking for.

Julie, thank you so much for being on the show. I'm excited. I'm excited to have you and to be coaching you today.

Julie: Honored to be here. Thank you, Monica.

Monica: How about you give us an introduction.

Julie: Well, my name is Julie. I worked for about two years before my second was born. I currently have four kids. I have a daughter who's almost 10 and eight year old son and a five-year-old son about to start kindergarten and an almost two year old who was born during the pandemic.

I've moved rather unexpectedly out of state twice in the past three years. So that's been a little interesting, especially after having lived somewhere for about 10 years. So we're just trying to make it work in the pandemic and I'm, I'm trying to enjoy the throes of motherhood

Monica: well, a lot of that was the same as me and so many people who are listening, who are our lives are just thrown up in the air a few times, the past couple of years, and we're still trying to sort through it. And so tonight we're going to talk about maybe something that's related, but also, maybe not, maybe this was a pre pandemic thing that you wanted to work on too.

And it's something about bedtime. How about you tell us more about where you are struggling there and what kind of question you have.

Julie: Yeah. This is definitely something that I've struggled with getting to bed on time and having a quote unquote good routine for the past couple of years. I think when we first moved away in a tiny little place if we first moved out of state a couple of years ago my youngest was two and a half and he struggled with sleep and he was climbing out of his pack and play where he can no longer sleep there.

So I would snuggle him in his bed. And snuggle him to sleep because he just would keep getting up. And then I would just sort of lay there, you know, just having to make sure he was fully asleep and just kind of look on my phone. Like nothing horrible. Wasn't looking at it, but just kind of spending time on my phone and then just kind of ignoring my husband and, you know, sometimes he would sort of zone out too, and he was the one putting our little one to bed.

Yeah, the pandemic, like you said, just like, are we living through this really hard? And I kind of got pregnant unexpectedly, of course, a really wonderful surprise, but that was just before the pandemic we found out we were pregnant and he was born in June, 2020, and he's been so wonderful, but I'm with my hormones going up and down and having depression, which I've already been living with and trying to work with it with doctors just kind of feeling that sadness and Just not sure what to do.

And in my mind, I see that I have a lack of structure with bedtime. That's one of my major issues. And then also numbing with using my phone. So my, my, anyway, we can just pause and then I'll kind of say go into more stuff.

Monica: Well, how about you tell me more about what you were thinking of just right there.

Cause that might be more of what information

Julie: so, I think just sort of having like a closing duties routine someone on Tik TOK. I think her name's Casey like KC, and she's a former therapist with young kids and she talks about that, like her closing duties and a lot of that has to do with cleaning.

And for me since I'm kind of full hands during the day with my little ones, sometimes there's some cleaning to do in the evening or just the very least clean up from dinner, which we eat from home a lot. Because it just feels like there's lots of loose ends if there's not like a basic level of cleaning.

And then the other thing is just having a cue to get me up to bed and my husband at the same time, or like when he just gets up and says, I'm going to bed. I'm like, well, the lights have to be turned off. The door has to be locked. And so I need to focus on what I need to do and I'll get on the same page with my husband.

And then also I need to be in the mind frame of sleep. And just letting go of like, continuing to look on my phone or continuing to quote unquote, do research about stuff, because I feel like I didn't do enough during the day.

Monica: Okay. Okay, your problem is not an unusual problem. And I say that not to say, oh, look at you.

You're just usual. Like not, that is to say my goodness. We all struggle with the nighttime in general, regardless of whatever phase we are at in our personal lives. And, and even regardless of, of how structured some parts of the night are. Wherever we're at. This is as a very common struggle. So let me make sure I'm hearing you right on some things.

So the bedtime struggles really began with your third as a baby and just circumstantially needing to be in the room, which led to some zoning out behavior for you, so that you could be in the room. And then with time that became more of a habit and just more of how things were done, but also as a source of escaping slash numbing.

The major shifts and upheavals your life was facing both externally and internal.

Julie: Yeah, I would definitely say that's in a nutshell.

Monica: Okay. And right now you're not in a, you don't, you're not stuck in a bedroom now, like you were in the past, correct?

Julie: No, not, not right now in the little bit, we'll be moving our littlest one out of the pack and play, but yeah, for now it's yeah.

It's not like I have to like lay next to a kid for 30 minutes or so.

Monica: That's good to know. And so right now for you, the biggest problem is twofold. It's one feeling like you are wrapping up the loose ends around the home. Okay. Cause that can often delay. Okay. And the, the second half of this delaying bedtime things is like that nighttime procrastination slash self sabotage loop that we can get into where you like delay bedtime as a weird way to delay facing life.

Julie: Yeah. I mean, that's totally procrastination and self-sabotage, I hadn't thought of it that way, but I think that's it. That's, you know, the deeper root there.

Monica: Okay. Well, my goal is to help you with both of those. There's two directions. We can go with this to start then, because we know we want to deal with this logistic wise, like just having like how to help, help you have a sort of routine at night and also a cue that, you know, it's time to shut things down.

With the digital stuff. So those are two kind of separate things for me, but to do that, I think we needed to start deeper first. When we are going into that self sabotage sash, numb numbing, looping behavior it's always a sign that we are being under fed under nourished during the day. Is that true for you?

Julie: Yes, definitely. Yeah, I think for sure, like, there's definitely a little bit of loneliness and trying to get to know people here and there's definitely trying to transition back to kind of doing hobbies that I enjoy after kind of being in the throws of having a newborn.

Monica: Yes. Okay. So those numbing behaviors, as you know, because we've done coaching together before you've been in the progress program.

If you recall, numbing behaviors make you feel a lot of feelings, but numb. So when you were in those kinds of behaviors, what emotions can you recognize that are being brought up for you? Loneliness might be one telling what are you trying to outrun?

Julie: You know, I think loneliness maybe a social situation where I, I felt misunderstood or I felt snubbed.

I think just a general feeling of overwhelmed. Like this has been on my mind a lot that I just go from thing to thing to thing in my mind, feeling, like I have to do all the things and I know I don't have to do all of them, but there's still a lot that I could do in the visual clutter in my home. I think those are the main feelings

Monica: okay. So loneliness, overthinking and overwhelming.

How do you want to feel at night?

Julie: I think I want to feel calm. I think I want to feel comfortable. Like my home is a comfortable place. I'm not sure if happy is the right term, but just feeling. Yeah. Feeling like I've done something to connect with my family, or like done something to connect with myself.

Monica: Ooh, I love all this. Did you realize that you just did a total line of alliteration here? Oh, I like that. Calm, comfortable content and connect.

Julie: I'm appealing to your inner English teacher.

Monica: You totally are.

So we've got the four CS. There is, I guess what we'll call them, calm, comfortable content and connected. Now, in a moment, we're going to brainstorm what. You can do during that time when you are totally off the clock where you can create those feelings. Okay. So we will brainstorm that in just a moment, but first I want to go to the logistics side.

Part of the overwhelm is having that lack of structure. Okay, because during I, this is how I am. I become kind of like that spinning. I don't know what the word is like a spinning plate, but without maybe it's spinning compass more, like if I have an hour where I have a lot to do, but I don't know what I'm going to do.

I basically just do circles around myself or internally around myself where I feel lost. Okay. So having some structure with how your nighttime's typically go. Without it being so rigid or unrealistic that you avoid it, I think would be helpful here. And I would volunteer that looks like something like let's have a family like closing ceremony or closing duties together that we do after dinner.

And then one for you separately. With sort of a a shut off time. Like I'm off the clock time. I am not worrying about research. I'm not worrying about to-do's. I'm not worrying about emails or productivity or anything home management. The clock has stopped there. It's closed.

Julie: That's great. Monica. I think you came up with something great there.

Cause I, we stayed with someone once and they did like a family cheer before bed and I didn't really have that emotional closeness necessarily with my family growing up. I knew they loved me and that's been something on my mind. Like I want to do something together as a family. And I love the off the clock idea, especially if that means like I'm doing what I want, but I'm not numbing myself.

Monica: So are you like me and not the same as a family, you have dinner and then you clean up dinner and then you do the bedtime routine. Like getting kids to bed.

Julie: We have dinner, sometimes it's catches catch can, and we should clean up. And again, that's like a, self-sabotage where I'm like, oh, it's just too much work to get them to clean up, which it's really not.

Or I feel to stress that, tell the kids to clean up, which again, that doesn't make sense. And then we have like a loose routine. Like they watched jeopardy and I put the baby down. And then one of us reads a book to the preschool or who goes to bed later. So it's a loose routine, but you know, I think it is routine.

Monica: Oh, I was just going to say that, that don't negate. That, that sounds like an awesome way to end the night and loose is still a routine, for sure. I think that you have to be flexible at this age, too, especially with the different ages and needs that are going on there. So don't, don't discount that at all.

Okay. So here's what I ask you to think about. What are the things that you still find yourself having to do later like that you either delay or try to numb out from? Cause you're like, I really don't want to have to clean off the counter right now or put the dishes in the sink or sweep the floor or are there some things like that?

Julie: Oh, totally clearing clearing the table. And there's other random stuff on the counter or table from throughout the day. Or like we just got back from being out of town for Easter and there's like laundry that needs to be put away. So yeah, I think along those lines. Okay.

Monica: Well, just as I'm hearing you talk, I feel like of the household dutie,.

Would that be the one you'd want to prioritize? Like there's always more to do, right? Like the list could go on there's laundry, there's dusting, there's vacuuming the switching out sheets. There's putting away, you know, the toys like the list goes on, but at nighttime, is that dinner cleanup, the one that tends to not to be a little bit more prolonged and overwhelm you, or is it more like the other.

Well, it's probably both, but where we can start, you know,

Julie: cause yeah, I think it's the dishes and I think it's okay. It doesn't take that long, but maybe I could set a timer, you know, dishes, a little bit of sweeping, cause our floor collects a lot of random stuff really quickly. And then maybe just putting, bringing the laundry up and maybe you were going to think of this, but maybe a timer.

So it's like, I know I'm going to do something and I know I can just stop after this time if I want to.

Monica: Okay. Yes. I think you need a firm shutoff time of post dinner, cleaning. And I think if we were to get realistic impact about this, you get to decide what that looks like A, for starters, but B if we're going to look with the natural flow of things, if you were to say dinner and cleanup always go together, regardless of when we start dinner, whether it's earlier or later dinner and clean up, go together and clean up is dishes, sweeping putting, bringing the laundry up.

Yeah, it seemed to go, okay. And then this is where this whole part of the dinner cleanup is one that I would like you to eventually work on dividing the responsibilities there eventually. Okay. So maybe as you and your husband can talk about this and you can decide maybe he always does the dishes and you always sweep and bring up the laundry.

Or one person is in charge of all of those. And the other person starts with the bedtime routine stuff. Like getting kids bathed if they need to, or in their pajamas. So there can be some trade-offs like division of labor.

Julie: Good reminder. I should bathe my kids more often.

Monica: My kids are so smelly these days.

We used to not have to bathe like everyday, but they are stinky. I don't know what's going on. But yes, as you wish, but you know what I'm trying to say, like, whether it's just getting on their pajamas or brushing their teeth, so you get to decide that, okay. And you get to decide if this means you eventually train your oldest to always be the floor sweeper after.

She always does that or another kid or all of your older kids know that they put their dishes in the dishwasher. They're the ones that clear their plate and put them in the dishwasher. That's something we're just starting to train again. That takes time. That takes time. So now we're just having more of this mindset, shift, dinner, and clean up, always go together.

And those are the three minimal chores you want to have done dishes done, floor swept, and maybe the extra is laundry brought up. Maybe that's like the bonus.

Next up. We'll share some more practical ways, Julie and you by extension can work on your bedtime issues. The first quick word from our sponsor.

I have some major goals for this podcast this year, and the most important one is one I cannot do alone and it's to grow the amount of listeners who are regularly listening to this show and benefiting from. Here's how you can help. And I have a great reward for you too, is share about the podcast on your Instagram story.

And when you share in that story, make sure you link to the episode either to the site or the podcast app you're listening on and tag me in about. And every time you do this as many times as you want during a month, you are automatically submitted to a new monthly giveaway where you're doing for a couple months where I give away some of my favorite things this month, I'm going to be giving away some of my favorite manicure products from olive in June, who I'm sure you've heard about so much on the internet.

I bought all their stuff with my own money and love it. Use it regularly and love to pass it onto you as a thank you. So again, all you got to deal is share about an episode. You love link. And tag me at about progress on your Instagram stories. Thank you so much.

I think that's great. You're simplifying it because like I said, I get so overwhelmed.

Julie: Those basics are a great thing to do, and I can put a timer on it to shut off time. And I think something I just thought of is that I can lean into my values of sort of being a little bit industrious and having a somewhat clean home and teaching my kids that, and then also leans into my value of being connected because we're doing something together.

And then after that routine, we can watch jeopardy or do our little thing to do as a family.

Monica: Jeopardy is a wonderful thing. Truly and often love it. And it goes with all your other C's, calm, comfortable content connected. And that should be the thing, Julie, where you are sitting there with them. And that's that's, that can be a timeout.

Like we shut off in between the two different things you needed to do at night. But that's your best reward. I feel like that's something you can be really transparent with. As a family, we do dinner than we do clean up together. Even if all they're doing in the beginning, Julie is clearing their plates, just putting them next to the sink.

And that can build with time to them doing more of it as part of the cleanup. Then once we're all in our jammies, we're going to do jeopardy together. Maybe treat maybe they haven't brushed your teeth yet, or like whatever you guys do as a family, my kids eat oreos. It was probably bad for the dentist. I love that.

Okay. Like some something came, does it have to be a treat either for those who are listening and thinking, otherwise, you do you okay. So what I like about that is it gives you an end in mind and it's flexible because I don't want to say to you, you have to have a firm shut off with a post dinner cleanup at 8:00 PM.

Because what if you eat dinner at seven 30? Or what if you eat at five and then you're delaying cleanup because you have a deadline, it's more of like a soft thing. Okay.

Julie: So just a routine of doing things in one. Then when we finish chores or duties, then we can do our fun thing either right then and there a little later in the

evening.

Monica: And for yourself, I mean, this is something you can, I'm glad you brought up the when, then pairing, this is something you can say when we're done. Then we'll clear the dishes in your mind. That's the bare minimum. That's your baseline way of doing post dinner cleanup? Some nights are going to have to go to a play as a family first or a kid event or a softball game or something like that.

Like, but that's your minimum when we're done with dinner, then we'll clear the plate.

And just to give credit where credit's due. I heard of the one then pairing from Amy McCready and positive parenting solutions for parenting course. And she talks

about it a lot. Oh, cool. I have no idea who she is. I'm going to totally correct.

Next big magic stuff happening there. Okay. So then we got the, when then pairing there for you. And then with time, I mean, that can create the momentum. You need to keep doing dinner cleanup that the Le on the worst of days, you've at least got the dishes cleared off the table and that will. We'll get you further along later on.

Okay. Now let's talk about after the kids go down. Okay. Now you talked about having, like walking in the door and all that kind of stuff. I agree with you. I think there's definitely some like house tidying up stuff, but I honestly think that needs to wait a little bit.

Julie: My dad just used to do that growing up.

So it was something I didn't have to do. And it's, to me it was something

that the man did.

Monica: And maybe that's something like, it can still be your husband's responsibility. You just have to talk

about it. Right. Exactly. Like, it's that secret expectation. And I need to talk to him or just know this is important to me.

So I'm going to do this

for sure. Yeah. Yep. Either or so let's say that one's a conversation. That's a conversation one. So that's your to do for that is to have that conversation with your husband about like the lockup routine, you know what, and like you're saying that I think Brad, both Brad and I do that each night.

We're like, did someone knock up? Like, yeah. So we probably need to have that conversation too. Okay. So that's a combo one. Let's talk about. We now want to think of ways now we're going back to that brainstorm. We started maybe 15 or we alluded to 15 minutes ago. I don't even know how long calm, comfortable content and connected. The phone is not bad.

The phone is working for you because it's trying to help you with those other feelings you were having of loneliness and overthinking and overwhelm. It was doing its job. It's just not doing it with.

So I'm not going

Julie: to say, go ahead and set of it. Like I need to control the phone, like instead of letting technology control me, I'm sure that's been said a lot. Use it for good.

Monica: Well, for sure. I think being intentional about the same behaviors will change the way you feel about those behaviors and the way you're doing them.

But at the same time, just being intentional, I think if that's the shift control to me feels kind of like. A little bit rude. Like I need to control this. Like, it kind of feels like a shame tactic

and yes, technically you are in control technically, but there's so much science about phone use. Like there's so much science about this. Like when you're only putting the blame on yourself with phone use, I think it will not help them.

Julie: Sorry when I only put what?

Monica: Blame on yourself. Like when I, I'm not saying like, oh, oh, oh Julie, do whatever you want.

Like what that phone or that phone who cares? It's okay. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying there just might need to be a little shift in acknowledging this phone is trying to help me or I'm attracted to this phone because. Is designed to attract me. It's designed to suck me in it. This is, I am part of a major system where brains are getting hijacked.

So like almost like remove the blame also to acknowledge the facts without saying, I am out of control. Something's wrong with me?

Julie: No, I think you're right. So I've been very harsh on myself lately, so I like that a frame of

Monica: mind. Yeah. So. I mean funniest would take, I mean, that's a whole other polar conversation, but if we're just going to equate this to all numbing behavior, and if we can do, if we can have a way for you to have other things, in addition to that phone that can help you be, that can be easy to do and simple.

So not multi-state. That can create those feelings for you. What would that be?

Julie: Reading a book, reading a book for sure. I go with my kids to the library and I pick up what's new, or sometimes I've put things on, Hey, my loves middle grade fiction. So that would make me feel good. And like, you know, you can read a lot in 20 minutes.

So I think reading that would be a perfect thing to think

Monica: of an answer that was for you. It's what makes you avoid reading at night?

Julie: I think just not thinking about it, not having the book right there, or maybe having a books. That's a little heavy making

triumph.

Monica: Some fiction. Yeah. There you go. Look at you.

You're already jumping ahead. Yeah. So we need to lower the hurdle here, have the book where you usually are and making it something you actually would love. Right.

Julie: Exactly. In announcing, like I'm going to read my book and again, that's another of my values. Yes. Me reading my book as Nico upstairs came, they'll just expect mom reads a book.

Monica: Love it.

Okay. I love that idea that you just shared because let's create a, when then pairing for you. That is more of a, something I call a digital sense, set a way to put your phone to bed. And again, that could take a great deal of coaching to go through about why the phone's there. And we can do that too. But if we're going to just think about this practically, right.

It might be a great way to have a one then pairing that helps you say that statement and also helps you have that mental shift of we are now moving on from this phone. Can you think of a clear time at night that that might be inserted pretty easily?

Julie: Yeah, I think so. I think, I think when I send the kids up to bed I haven't been reading to them very much.

But I. I can maybe just lay with them and read my book and they read their books. And then I can just carry the book with me downstairs and plug my phone in as I'm going down. So when I say goodnight to the kids, then I read my book and if my nine hours filmmaker, then he can sit and read next to me.

And when it's his time to go to bed, I can read

Monica: to him. I love that. And I love also that you keep connecting it back to the value. 'cause then it means more, it's not a should to behavior. It's a chosen. And that's a huge difference. You know, you maybe reading technically is a should over phone use for you, but it's one that you're choosing and shoulds can be chosen, you know?

Julie: And it feels like I shouldn't sometimes that then I pick books like the the middle grade fiction and I just love it and can rip through a book.

Monica: Yeah. And that's a should I would encourage you to, to like, if you're going to, oh, I should read Warren peace. Or

Julie: if you're

Monica: like me and you have Les Miserables on your nightstand for four years and kept delaying reading other books, because you were insistent that you had to finish that one first and yeah, that's a should I would encourage you to ignore.

Yeah. I love that. You're able to differentiate that. Okay. So for now we're thinking when my kids. When I say goodnight to my kids, then I'll read and that's either with them or done in her couch. So I want you to think of how you can lower the hurdle for that. What, what does that mean? Do you read on a tablet or do you read the actual book?

Julie: I like reading an actual book, so I think I could have it out on the counter that I walk by all the time. And I think I could plug my phone in right there at the counter. Cause I'm trading like one heavy thing for another heavy thing. So I have something in my hand.

Monica: Let's think of one other one, then pairing them.

And this might be the one that we're all real place. The other one, because there'll be a natural flow. What typically happens before the kids say good night? Like, I'm trying to think of like, what's a cue there. W when do you notice a good night to your kids?

Julie: Right? Usually when Jeopardy's over, so maybe.

And I mean maybe when we're done cleaning the kitchen, then I grabbed my book and I just have it next to me. So it's ready for, when we say goodnight after watching jeopardy. So I just, I traded out for

Monica: myself. Okay. So here's, here's one idea when jeopardy jeopardy starts, then I'll plug my phone in.

Yeah, that's good. Cause sometimes like the endings of things can be a little trickier unless it's very, very specific. Like I always close the dishwasher door. I always turn off my alarm. I always brush my teeth. Like those ones just sounded a little bit more like they're flexible. They're loosey-goosey some nights are going to be brushing someone's teeth another night.

You're going to be like clipping fingernails, you know, so, but you always start jeopardy. When we start jeopardy and then I'll plug my phone in which could be on the counter. Right. Which that's what you're going to have your phone.

Julie: And I think I need to get an extra charger, so why not always bring it up and down?

Just one of the things that would

Monica: help. Okay. So here's three kind of homework assignments I have for you. The first is, well, I have maybe a couple. So I'm going to try to simplify this. Have the conversation with your husband about the. You can report into me.

The next one is to put a book on the counter

third one, and this is kind of down, down the list. Like it can happen the next couple of weeks, but maybe the sooner that maybe like order this on Amazon or Instacart or something is get the second charger. Not those again, those are just ways to lower the hurdle. Okay. Make it, make the hard thing harder to do and make the other thing you want easier to do.

Julie: Hard thing is in the thing I wanted to sort of do less than.

Monica: Yep. Yeah. Sorry. The, yes. The bad habit. Quote, unquote, bad habit. Cause again, I don't think it's innately bad. It's just. Not helping you in the way you want make it harder to do and make the other thing that you want easier to do.

And if I were to give you just a bonus one, if you could practice it that when then pairing of jeopardy starting, like, I don't know if you're going to pretend you have to start the remote. Maybe you usually put that on or maybe, you know, what, how do you know jeopardy is going on? Whatever that is, practice that.

Going to the counter and plugging into your phone and just do, do that a handful of times

Julie: that,

Monica: okay. And maybe, I mean, if we want to make the hard things even harder, maybe you turn off your phone when you plug it in. Definitely. I don't believe in all or nothing, but I do believe in making hard things like the things you don't want to do harder.

Okay. And not as a way to like, shame and blame yourself, but as a way to help remind, like, make it harder to open it up and get on. Right.

Julie: And sort of lean into my values and set up these routines to help me live out my values.

Monica: Yeah. And here's, and here's other one other mindset shift I want you to have when Jeopardy's on.

That's when you are done, that's when you're done. Cleanup, maybe you like to fold laundry at night? I don't know, but I, I personally would say things need to just be done. Dinner. Cleanup can be where you're tying up loose ends around the house as you go. We kind of do that too. But I do not want you to have the whole possible chore list on your, on your list and night.

It's those three minimums we talked about. And with time it could maybe be a few more things, but I would still keep it minimal. So that way when Jeopardy's on, you're like, that's it. That's my closing, my closing duty for the day I'm done. I am off the clock. And now it's about the four CS, calm, comfortable content and connected.

That's what I'm gonna write that down. Yes, no, I'll text it to you. Okay. Do you have any questions for me or worries about.

Julie: No. I think sometimes my husband likes to fold laundry to train jeopardy, but he likes to do that to be helpful. So that can be his thing, but, you know, I can stop doing things and he never pressures me to make me think I have to be doing things too, but I think I can just look after myself.

Monica: And as long as you're having that conversation with them about the lockup, just be clear about the intentions you have for that time, and maybe can serve as both an accountability partner and like a cheerleader. You know,

if you get caught in the phone loop, don't blame yourself. I want you to step outside, be objective about it and then recommit. To your why here of these feelings you want and go through and practice that when then pairing, if that doesn't work for you, that one, then pairing of plugging in your phone, turning it off when jeopardy starts try a new one.

But if you're looking at that fail objectively, you'll get the information you need to know what needs to be tweaked. Instead of just saying, look at me, did it again. I'm never going to change.

Julie: Yeah. So looking at it objectively, instead of falling into self blame.

Monica: Okay. Any other questions?

Julie: No, I think you've given me a lot to think about and all that to follow through.

Monica: Okay, well, I'm our accountability buddy there. So you can text me these things. That's something I deal with. Every, every coaching client with that we have, like, you can follow up with me. That's what I'm there for.

And I can't wait to hear how it goes and I can help you tweak a little bit too. Okay. Awesome. I'm

Julie: excited about this one then. Pairing. Thank you so much, Monica. You're

Monica: welcome.

I hope this episode, give you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I'm going to quickly share my progress pointers from this episode. And this is where I share the notes that you could probably take away from this episode. If you were sitting down and had a notepad and pen while you were listening and all of my go get our newsletter subscribers, get these Parker's pointers and a graphic form each week.

Number one, we can struggle. Bedtime as adults. When we are trying to escape from some negative feelings we face at night, number two, to help get in touch with what those feelings are and what you want to feel. Instead, number three, create some clear expectations for yourself and other household members.

The help provide some structure to these bedtime hours and number of. Insert more ways to create the feelings you want through small and simple habits. There's a lot more to this, especially with the habit formation piece. And this is where I would love to invite you to take part in the sticky habit method.

This is my new course on habit formation outside a perfectionism it's real habits for real women. And in it, you will learn about my method to create habits at stick, including something I call the sticky habit for me. And this call, you heard the first two steps of that formula and when then pairing, but there's a lot more that goes with it.

And also some major tips on how to install these habits in ways that can greatly increase your likelihood of having habits that stick for long periods of time. You can sign up for the sticky habit [email protected] slash sticky habit. You're doing a big challenge is to think about what feelings you are trying to avoid at night and what you would like to feel instead.

Just start there, if you do that, make sure you message me, email me, DM me and tell me all about it so I can spotlight you on this. This week, I want to spotlight one of my strive high members named Kara. She shared recently on our group page that she was doing her day planning. And as she was looking at her day planning, it helped her see in actual reality, how much has shifted for her since she's learned to prioritize herself and by extension how much more she has to.

So here's to you, Kara, and thank you for sharing. I hope this episode was helpful for you. And if it was here are two ways that you can help the podcast in return. The first is to share about the show. If you decide to do that in Instagram, make sure you tag me at about progress and link to the episode, and you'll be automatically submitted to our monthly.

And the second way you can help the show is by leaving a rating and review on apple podcasts or Spotify. Thank you so much for listening now. Go and do something with what you learned today.